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Links to other sites with Tolkien humor
2. The humor based on the books by J.R.R.T. himself and their Russian translations.
The jokes presented here are all from the 2nd category. They were translated from the "Red book of the West Jokes" by Erfarot Gil-Angharot. Translated by Mithrilian. Enjoy them!
"Trolls! Trolls!" - Pippin yelled. "No," - Frodo smiled. "You forgot your own history. Those three are made of stone and their names are Washington, Lincoln and Jefferson". * * * The herald from Mordor promised Dain all 7 Rings, for his cooperation. 4 of the Rings he promised to pull back from the dragons. And if Dain refused, he would received those 4 rings, anyway.... _with_ the dragons..... * * * Gandalf, trying to light his pipe in Moria: "Naur an adriat ammin! Naur an adriat ammin! Oh, damn it, _that_ spell is for waking Balrogs. Now, for the pipe..." * * * When poor Saruman lost his job and home, he decided to open sex service on the phone: 1-900-SARUMAN. He's got a magic voice, remember? * * * Q: How many hobbits does it take to change a lightbulb? A1: One hobbit and a large heap of Russian translations of The Lord of the Rings to help him reach the lamp. A2: Two hobbits, (because one is only as tall as half a man), one magician to read the words written on the lamp, and you need to gather a band of men, hobbits, elves and dwarves to carry broken lightbulb and to destroy it in Orodruin. * * * A couple of other lightbulb jokes can be found here: How many hobbits does it take to change a light bulb? One to complain that the light bulb isn't working, Five to hold a meeting to decide what to do about it, Twenty to form an expedidtion to the fabled Lightbulb mines of Mythrill, Thirty to throw a going away party, One to ask Gandalf for directions, One to sell into slavery when the petty cash runs out, Five to get lost through natural wastage (bandits, murderers, monsters etc), One to thrown to the Dragon that guards the Lightbulb mine, Two to carry the lightbulbs, Five to find a large, sword-welding barbarian to escort the lightbulbs home, Thirty to throw a safe return party, Five to find an elf tall enough to change the lightbulb, Five to compose ballads of daring, heroism, sacrifice and lightbulbs, Finally another two-hundred to appear in the subsequent Tolkien books.
There were nine Nazguls in Mordor Whose mounts were out of order With terrific loud moans They rattled their bones And emitted peculiar odor. |
There was once a Worm in the hill Who thought it was rather a thrill To gather more gold It could possibly hold And lay on it perfectly still. |
There was once a Balrog in Moria Who thought he was rather a warrior But he lost all his airs As he fell down the stairs He felt sorry and then even sorrier. |
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Mages' Cycle:
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There was once a mage named Olorin Who required a pipe every mornin'. Of expensive pipe-weed He was never in need 'Cause he found the tobacco too borin'. |
There was a white mage in the Tower Whose morals grew lower and lower. To settle his problems He meddled with goblins And greatly annoyed the Green Power. |
There was once a mage of brown hue Who always behaved outta cue. Zoological quest Kept him far from the West And of Men very little he knew. |
'Tis said that the two of blue color Were also sent forth by the Valar, But of what they have done Very little is known For they practiced the best part of valor. |
Tolkienparodies at Martijn Bot homepage
Lightbulb jokes at Paul Hill's Tolkien page
Windows 95 meets the Lord of the Rings
100 Tips to Evil Overlord (Not Tolkien, but fun)
Parodies in "Eglador" (supported by Cyrill Slobin)
A script for the play Odna Bashnya (The One Tower) (also can be found in "Arda-na-Kulichkah").
Tolkien anecdotes. Supported by Sergey Semovskij
Back to "Arda-na-Kulichkah"
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